every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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