I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
