Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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