is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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