I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
