I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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