The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
