Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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