We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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