You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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