alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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