I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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