dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
