remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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