that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
