Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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