Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
