Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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