Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We need to rekindle our bromance
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
