i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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