i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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