Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
