I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
