Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize