just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
