im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
