i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
