Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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