No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
