i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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