i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
