friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
