Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
