Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
