This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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