So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
