I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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