Princesses don't give blow jobs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
