Non-Jews are for practice
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
