Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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