Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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