dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
