So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
