i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
