Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
