I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
