Me. At least after what I've been through.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
