i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
