i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize