Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
