I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
