I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
