It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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