Got a toothbrush?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
