are you so shy because you have an std?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
