I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
