I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
