We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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