i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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