Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
