He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
