Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
