Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
two words: eviction party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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