someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
