in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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