i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
