i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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