but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
