ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
