god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
